[Note: this story was a runner up in Tortive Theatre’s December 2021 #flashfiction101 competition, and published online on January 2022. Thanks to a site reorganisation it is no longer publicly available, so I’m posting it here instead].

The ad made it sound like a great idea – a fresh start for the new year.

“Stuck in a rut? Life got you down?

Run faster, last longer, get the attention you deserve!

Become a Centaur, with BodyMorph’s patented technology!

Wise or Wild, the choice is YOURS!”

Now I have to walk everywhere because I don’t fit in the car. I’m tired from standing up all day at work. The local kids keep trying to ride me. I’m hung like a horse, but girls just want to brush me.

Take my advice: when someone suggests you pony up, just say no!